Tag Archives: Humour

Insane Idiosyncracies

Standard

We Indians have a profound expertise at asking personal questions. The concept of personal space doesn’t appeal at all… Intervention into privacy is a prerogative…after all they are concerned about you and care for you (huh)…unwanted friendly neighbours…who just dont let you be… am sick of it…

After S and I moved to Vizag we  are constantly annoyed with these overtly friendly people who meddle and bother too much about us. Many a times we yearn to reply sardonically but then we stop ourselves… our social deportment doesn’t agree with that…….and we flee from the scene as fast as we can…but this attitude nevertheless irks us.

  • The house we rented is segmented into many small divisions and each of it is individually rented out. One of our co-tenant one day  was exchanging pleasantries with me and has already done a bit of research. She already knows that I work (and this was on the 1st day we shifted )…I was quite amused…and she suddenly questions me “So, why do you work? ” yes, you got it right…she asked me that. I have never ever heard something like that…”Where do you work ?” is sensible but “Why do you work?”…..lawsie mercy…what crap is that…I didn’t know what to say ( didn’t want to be hurtful) and left unanswered…but am sure I can never forget this…”why do I work” ….its my identity..its my life..I kept pondering “what else would I do if I didn’t work” For me its a way of life…..Oh lady…you would never understand nor experience the liberation it brings …..I indeed pity you.
  • We went to pay this month’s rent to out landlady and she hurriedly inquires “So, what did you guys buy this month?”Holy lord…Insanity at its zenith…we fled without looking back…
  • We have a even more demented landlord ( made for each other ). S and I ran into him one day..in fact the only time we ever met him…he was interrogation personified…he quickly queries S “Are you guys Muslims?” …I admit there isn’t anything folly about the question…but then he quickly adds to it saying “I got a doubt since you guys are fair skinned” …..even before we could react to that lunacy he starts his rapid fire round…his next query “Why haven’t you guys bought a car yet, you both are software engineers? and What are you guys doing here ? You should be in America” Holy shit…this was getting too much for us to take …We just wanted to abscond since we were worried we would also be psyched if we stayed any longer…and then came the next one from him. He asks S  “Are you 34?” Now I confirm that he is mentally ill….else who in his senses would ask something like that ….and why 34??? ….. S answered saying “No” and the landlord quickly quizzes “So how old are you?” and we ran as fast as we could…. so much for the  5 minutes of conversation….that man is dangerous….
  • We buy our groceries from the store across our street and he also delivers them home. One day we informed the grocer to deliver stuff within 30 minutes since we wont be home after that…he inquisitively questions  “Is it only both of you…doesn’t anybody else stay at home?”  Oh, god…enough of this crap…..this city is deranged.

Exclusivity-Thy name isn’t Software

Standard

ME: Hey, is this the ‘xyz’ Studio.
Lady: yes, maam, it is.
ME: I would want to join one of your morning aerobic sessions.
Lady: Sure maam, it’s at 7.15 AM


ME: Great! (Feeling as if I have conquered the unknown;I have been trying to find a decent aerobics studio in this new city)Lady: Maam, what do you do I mean what’s your job?
ME: Sorry (wondering how does that matter and why should she even want to know) (But I have been a target and a victim to many such ghastly intruding personal questions since the day I stepped in Vizag)

And I indignantly yet proudly replied “Am a Software Engineer”

Whew,This tribe is all over the place, oh no no not place its all over the world, and is growing incessantly …the term exclusivity doesn’t exist in my domain. How much I hate it?
I secretly wish I could say “Am a writer, a columnist” or “I am a dance teacher” or “I am a baker and run cookery classes” or “food critic ala Rashmi uday singh”
Or better still “I am a Pioneer woman, Wohoo” (Am enthusiastically attracted to Ree and her punks – its platonic guys).
Wow, these seem so very exotic than the mundane software engineer which every other Indian seems to be these days.
Sigh!

Lady: chuckles and giggles and smirks (Agreed, I couldn’t see her, but I bet she gave one, I could feel it) Come on, Am a software engineer, I have a third eye..there lies our exclusivity..oh, no the secret is out….
ok, ok..am not serious on that…but I knew she gave one..a smirk…I know..

I would have loved to be one of the above and would have trotted around as a novelty but I still respect myself for being a Techie and I enjoy it too. It’s my bread and butter and also allows me to buy honey and sugar.
Come on Lady, get real, it is us who pay hefty fees and bring you business. Else there wouldn’t be these innumerable fitness centers mushrooming all over the place.
If you don’t respect us you would be out of your jobs. We are powerful baby. But we are gentle too…so dont you worry.hehehe.Its time you learn the tricks of trade, honey.

Though I did feel momentarily agitated at the sheepish response from the Lady, I being the ‘matured’ software engineer ‘analyzed’ it.
Why should I bother about it at all? So I quit feeling bad and reminded myself that what if it isn’t an exotic profession, it (technology) makes an enormous difference to the people in the world and makes lives easier. And I am an intrinsic part of it; makes me feel quite honored! ( I want to go out and party now and somebody buy me Diamonds….we deserve it……ok..ok….a large latte..softies are simple at heart..you see….)
Else why would anyone pay me…come on baby, software isn’t charity?
I get paid “Because I’m worth it” .
Huh, am not the one to be bogged down by this disparagement.
I need diamonds now.