Over a girly talk today at work one of my colleagues complimented that she thinks I have good dress sense and likes my clothes very much…..after yesterday’s miserable clothes catastrophe this seemed tailor-made….put me over the moon….yeah, I am wacky that way 🙂
No no , its got nothing to do with life as such…
Since morning I am eagerly waiting for the day to end…at least the work day to end…..and then get home and cry/sulk in isolation.
I’d been having around 9 sets of unstitched Salwar suits since a long time…well, I’m quite lazy when it comes to getting them stitched…I do not bother taking them to the tailor till a good number of them have packed up. Then I take them all one fine day and get them done.Thats how it has been since years……since I always had a decent enough
tailor to bank upon….
A couple of weeks ago, it was time to make that trip to the tailor and it was
appropriate timing too since soon I would be joining a new organization in a week. So I was all too excited about having new clothes to wear to the new workplace…a very girly thingie……
But when I finally went to the tailor his shop was shut down…I felt terribly upset since I had been associated with him since the past 10+ years and had no idea of any other tailor…
The neighboring shop guy all concerned told me that the landlord of the shop ran into some legal problems and had to get shut the shop, hence my tailor had to vacate it immediately….
All I could do is to call up the tailor and meet up somewhere another day and get my stuff done…but then I was not motivated enough to do that…hence, I took one of the most doltish decisions…
Went to a new tailor who was quite expensive and had quite a reputation of being good and all that…and like a real moron gave away all my 9 precious,adored, lovingly picked suits to
him…today when I recall my actions I feel like kicking my own butt….
and the outcome is 9 terribly ill-stitched, ill fitting, shapeless dresses…I tried and tried them again and got alterations done…but the end product still sucks big time…If you are a woman reading this you can so relate to this…
Today I wore one of them, hated it, but in the morning with S around at home it didn’t seem that bad.
As soon as I entered office my colleagues(women, its always them. Do men notice such things? gotta ask S) remarked on it…one of them also pronounced that I look much much older in this dress and its more like grandmother’s type…at that moment I wished the ground beneath me
opened and gobbled me up….I wanted to flee and get home and erase that day….well, no hopes…
So all I am doing is staying put at my desk…discomposed..not venturing out much from my space …waiting
for the day to end…It feels as if I am dressed in a rug sack….ok, that doesn’t mean I go to work everyday wearing glamorous filmi type clothes…but I always wear well fitting and smart cotton clothes which make me self-confident….you got the drift…
And am deeply mourning the brutal murders…of my new clothes…and started working emotionally on the possible contingencies. I think I will call up my old tailor and request him to set them straight as much as possible….that means shelling out more moolah…considering
the obnoxious amount I already spent to get them stitched in the first place it makes me cringe….
But Do I have an option???? I have myself to blame for this fiasco…
What to do you all do in such situations? Want to hear out…maybe it will make me feel a bit better…
Clothes : Naturalfabrics and Handloom stuff
Jewellery : Traditional when its gold and silver, and also lots of junk….
Shoes : kolhapuri’s, Mojri’s
Make-up :lipgloss , kohl( Its another story that I could never apply it right or smudge it the way I want)
Just in case you are wondering why on earth am I writing these purposeless facts about my personal style,its just because I had a very hard time coming to terms with fashion police during all my growing up years.I was perenially perplexed when people around me poked fun at my preferences….but that was way back then….with every passing year I became less stranger to myself and also realised that there are many similar people out there (thought few) who shared my fondness….and now I have this I-dont-care a damn attitude when somebody starts lecturing why I should dress with more bling and color….I give them this “whatever” look and move on….
I do love bling and color…every woman does…but its just that my idea of bling and color is different….its not polyester and heavy machine embroidery with garish coloring…instead its pure cottons with natural-dyed hues……Being comfortabe is stylish 🙂 Ain’t it ?
But this self-realisation didn’t come easy…I guess it took its own sweet time for it to dawn upon me…..My first stint was when my grandmom visited us and I loved her handloom sarees with wonderful woven borders…I secretly admired them and also shamelessly asked for one as a gift while she was leaving….I didn’t know what was it made of or where is it woven…I just loved it…only later after a lot many years did I get to know that its the famous Venkatagiri cotton saree of Andhrapradesh…this love affair continued…I always seemed to like handmade and natural fabrics ….so much so that everyone around me thought I stupid ( this way way back in late 80’s and early 90’s when anything flowing and synthetic was the in-thing and cotton was for old and poor people)….many of them made open comments saying that I have a boring and granny type taste…and there were many days when I felt very bad and hurt ….all this while I was around 9 years or so…at that time I didn’t have as much clarity on my choices as I do now…..but I didn’t wither and succumb, instead embraced it with a vengeance (well, I was in my teens by then) and am glad I did.
My parents never objected to my preferences…they just let me be and also encouraged it…so from the day I started chosing my clothes the fabric was always cotton, linen, jute, crepe etc….and I loved it…the range and variety out there is mind-bloggling….the mangalgiris, handpainted, blockprinted cottons, Chikan, chettinad’s, bandhini’s,kalamkari’s,Ikkat’s and lot lot more…India is a treasure trove and I celebrate it to the full extent….
Of course my nagging relatives always whined about it and also bestowed unwanted advice upon my mom..how she should not let me be the way I am….since everyone around will think we are not doing well in life…..I never understood the relation till date…..to dress to appear affluent… I dress in a certain way because I identify myself with that….what if it appears simple and boring to others…..its not my problem….
I feel much prettier and confident in a natural fabric kalamkari outfit with complimenting silver jewellery rather than an expensive badly made heavy zardosi one with modern jewellery……Zardosi is such a beautiful art which is viciously and badly churned out in huge quantities these days….I come from Hyderabad, the land of zardosi and can vouch for that…the authentic ones are bewitching and are a real treat for the eye…
Also I heart kanchipuram’s/banarasi’s…not the mass produced ones…but the aesthetic stuff…and love antique simple gold jewellery with that….now when I dress this way people say I dress like an old woman ( since the in-thing for a newly married woman is to wear shiny clothes and all the bling she owns) Yuck….Isn’t a kanchipuram or a banarasi shiny enough for them…..
Its sad how they get caught with this in-thing business….style is something which is innate and fashion changes by season….I want to be identified with my style..and refuse to be a clone…and I strongly believe in the adages “Less is more” and “Simplicity is natures first step, and the last of art”.
And India is the birth place for arts and crafts…it sure deserves more respect and appreciation from us fellow Indians….it hurts very very deeply when I read of a weaver/artisan leaving his profession because there are no patrons …..and something inside me dies each time when an artist gives up his/her life since he/she is not able to make both ends meet…..all this for being extremely skilled and talented…when we all know how everybody abroad(my boss, colleagues and friends abroad loved them crazy) is higly appreciative of Indian arts and crafts ….then friends, “where is the link missing ?”
I do my own teeny-weeny bit by buying at weaver exhibitions and co-operative fairs and would one day want to do something more serious like reviving an art form or similar thing….well, these are dreams…and are very close to my heart….
I had been off the radar for an insane amount of time…that doesn’t mean I budged from the goal…
I did all that I could do most of the time….had healthy meals whenever possible….but work has been so overwhelming that we ate out at alarming intervals…though we picked the healthiest option available..but exercise suffered…..late night working and extensive traveling took their toll…though I didn’t put on any weight….I missed the high and the muscle tone exercise gives….the confidence…the well being feeling….
Its getting back to normalcy now….and we are back to our workouts more regularly….
After the session today we had an impromptu chat with our trainer ( now a friend too) G.
As usual…I went on sulking that I need to lose weight ……….
Here is an excerpt from the conversation.
G : Hey, from the next time pick up heavier weights since you are comfortable with the current set.
ME : yeah, I’d want to…since I have flabby arms…. bat wings ….
(actually my upperarms are disproportionate with the rest of my body…the fat always rests on
them….its in the family..even while I was painfully thin this relation continued…frightening
me from donning sleeveless tops)
G : Just work on them…since thats the only area you really need to tone up.
ME : Hey, I need to lose here and here and here ……
G : No, for me all is ok except the arms…
ME: Oh no….I need to lose more…
G : well since am a friend let me honestly tell you something…you look good this way….and if you lose more…I feel you will not look as good as now….thin doesn’t suit everybody….and each one is different….
ME : ?????
G : yeah, not all look pretty when thin, and you are healthy….not fat….
After this talk….I had been thinking about it….Well, I am currently a few pounds extra… am neither fat nor slim….a little over average….being an Indian I have my curves…and I need to tone up…..the tyres,handles,muffin top dont ever look good….
Its all together a different point that now-a-days anything other than anorexic is considered overweight in India ( courtesy: magazines,media) and I might be obese from their angle 🙂
I am healthy and fine now…but want to lose weight and I fret a lot about it…I want to tone up and wear all the lovely clothes I wish to…I have never admitted this to anybody other than S,my husband…and he bears with all my sulking…..and comforts me all the time…such a sweetheart he is.
But this bothers me quite a lot….Is the weight bothering my mind rather than my body ?
Should I be happy that am fit and fine though not slim ? And as everyone around me says…Do I look good this way ? But I dont think so….. I have always told myself….Rupa,you can only look good when you are slim…..
Am happy, sad, confused…all at the same time…..its an identity crisis…..and am pouring this out to all you guys since you my friends are familiar with this side ….and I feel extremely comfortable sharing it with you all……