Are you man enough…

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Disclaimer: I am neither a bra burning feminist nor a male ilk hater. But I strongly believe in equality and can’t stand gender biasing. And have an extremely soft corner for sensitive men who respect women. S will vouch for this but he thinks am a die hard feminist…well…talk of perspectives...

When you write a blog what happens is everything one hears or overhears(unintentionally) is carefully speculated if it could be possible blogging material..Trust me it just becomes second nature….I don’t do it consciously…

Once such mega blogging incident happened at lunch today. There is this young boy K who is also a part of the team I work for…..over general off-the-cuff gabs today the discussion steered towards K’s opinions on his prospective wife (in short, what he wants from the girl he marries?)……and then what followed blew me out and jolted my belief system…not me but also all the women folk sitting there who were subjected to this trauma…..

I usually carry lunch, which is quite basic everyday food…..andthen the dialogue followed..

K : Oh only one curry, when I get married I will want to have 3 curries,one dal,rasam,dessert, pickle,papads,salad for lunch daily…..

me: Oh you cook?

k: No, my future wife would cook these?

me: So you are seeing somebody who is a great cook too?

k : no, these are the conditions I have for my would be wife….

me : (conditions, godammit… what the hell do you think of yourself? ) well, I said this in the most diplomatic way I could possibly do it…

k : Its so easy to cook, I will buy 4 burner stove and she can cook 3 curries in half hour…its easy

me : Whatever be the number of burners, she will just have 2 hands. How can you say it will take half hour when you can’t cook? First try to cook for yourself….and what if the girl doesn’t like cooking?

k : She has to cook…what is there to like in it?I will do tougher and more meaningful things like paying bills, going to bank etc….

me & A (another colleague of mine) : (we are by now terribly frustrated),huh there is no point talking to him…

And then K went on….His first priority is a beautiful sari clad long haired girl…which is the basic necessity. and then she should never wear salwar kameez…she should be this superwoman who should cook 3 elaborate meals a day, work, and maintain a spic and span house since K is a stickler for neatness…he says he can’t compromise on this….by now me and A (two married woman in the discussion) didn’t know how to react…

That he would be soon preparing a questionnaire of his expectations and give a copy of it to every girl he visits to judge whether she is his wifey material or not ( Pellichupulu in telugu)…..

In sheer helpessness, utter incredulity, extreme choler followed by a state of utmost provocation A and I started laughing….yeah you heard it right….I just didn’t know what to say when I heard all this from him….though what A and I really wanted to do right at that moment is to give him a large piece of our minds, bash him up (I am a diehard advocate of peace, but this was too much for me to take) and tell him that he is vain and no girl would ever want to be associated with someone like him…etc…

And then along with us sat poor M (unmarried girl in the discussion)…..who was totally bewildered and by then shit scared…she kept on saying in the afternoon…..what if I get married to somebody like him? We cajoled her and calmed her down….

We marry for companionship….we marry to wake up everyday with the person whom we deeply love and wish to spend our lives together forever…which stems from love, respect and trust…

We do not marry for great food, cleaner house, beautiful spouse….will this guy ever understand….all he wants is a maid,cook,and >#@#@# (ok, censored)…..WTF…..

Finally with utter desperation when I couldn’t take it no further I blurted out saying, “Dear K, do not marry ever, this way you would do a big big favor on the womenfolk”…..

I may be rude ….so let it be it…I have no regrets in this case whatsoever…..

But that specific question is still ringing in my ears…..WHAT IF? Yes, WHAT IF?

And then I realized how blessed I am….and extremely glad to have found S….and suddenly felt safer for having him and today am gonna get back home and sleep holding him tight…thanking my lucky stars………

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12 responses »

  1. I’m also surprised Rupa. I never thought guys in this day and age have this sort of mentality, especially who is well educated and working. Maybe we can expect this attitude among uneducated people in some remote village.

  2. Though I feel terrible, I am not very surprised with his attitude. I think it has got a lot to do with how women were treated in his family or just around him where ever he grew up. SOme people learn from the world and are capable of deciding wrong and right….but some people just dont make the effort to learn. They continue in their ignorant ways ….just like this young man. I feel sorry for him. I hope he understands that he can have a much better marriage if he knew why he needed a wife rather than what he needed in a wife…

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  4. Hi,first time on your blog.But I believe every word of this article.I know for that this man is real.Most men I have seen/heard/read are of this type only.Infact,its very true that men are from MARS,though sometimes after reading such incidents,I wish they were still there only. 😀
    I also agree that we women want companionship from its rare that we get from our life partner.Well,better be satisfied with what you have and run faster from this commom type of man,though I still believe ,give him a piece of mind before running away.

  5. I forgot to add,education has got nothing to do with this,thats my belief.Entire mindset has to change absorbing the education.A person with a Phd or more higher degrees can still be cultureless and expect his wife to be maid and still say its her job (in addition to office job if any)-though he may give her 6 burner stove to cook with 🙂

  6. HUGE THANKS for the wonderful comment/compliment,dear.But ‘culinary goddess’ is not true at all.There are lot of goddesses and may be even gods out there.I am just a home cook,trying to improve myself and trying out different cuisines with little adjustments.THANKS & THANKS for the lovely compliment and happy to know that you enjoy my posts.THANKS & CHEERS

  7. My first time here, love your writing style. Yes, there are many such men. Theres one guy in my office who has similar thoughts. He says “what else are women for? other than cooking & cleaning?” @#$^&*() I pity the women they will get married too…

  8. Rupa,

    If you start interacting we might get lot more of similar nature.
    Reasons
    1)Immatured–Talk to him after 4 yrs
    2)Dreams before marriage
    3)Comparision with their mothers who has all these qualities/abilities and mothers who brought up their kids with males has to work and females has to cook attitude.(If you look back your’s and my mother/granny’s might have this attitude

    Let him get married and after that you can see the reliazation/changes in him..

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