Are you man enough…

Disclaimer: I am neither a bra burning feminist nor a male ilk hater. But I strongly believe in equality and can’t stand gender biasing. And have an extremely soft corner for sensitive men who respect women. S will vouch for this but he thinks am a die hard feminist…well…talk of perspectives...

When you write a blog what happens is everything one hears or overhears(unintentionally) is carefully speculated if it could be possible blogging material..Trust me it just becomes second nature….I don’t do it consciously…

Once such mega blogging incident happened at lunch today. There is this young boy K who is also a part of the team I work for…..over general off-the-cuff gabs today the discussion steered towards K’s opinions on his prospective wife (in short, what he wants from the girl he marries?)……and then what followed blew me out and jolted my belief system…not me but also all the women folk sitting there who were subjected to this trauma…..

I usually carry lunch, which is quite basic everyday food…..andthen the dialogue followed..

K : Oh only one curry, when I get married I will want to have 3 curries,one dal,rasam,dessert, pickle,papads,salad for lunch daily…..

me: Oh you cook?

k: No, my future wife would cook these?

me: So you are seeing somebody who is a great cook too?

k : no, these are the conditions I have for my would be wife….

me : (conditions, godammit… what the hell do you think of yourself? ) well, I said this in the most diplomatic way I could possibly do it…

k : Its so easy to cook, I will buy 4 burner stove and she can cook 3 curries in half hour…its easy

me : Whatever be the number of burners, she will just have 2 hands. How can you say it will take half hour when you can’t cook? First try to cook for yourself….and what if the girl doesn’t like cooking?

k : She has to cook…what is there to like in it?I will do tougher and more meaningful things like paying bills, going to bank etc….

me & A (another colleague of mine) : (we are by now terribly frustrated),huh there is no point talking to him…

And then K went on….His first priority is a beautiful sari clad long haired girl…which is the basic necessity. and then she should never wear salwar kameez…she should be this superwoman who should cook 3 elaborate meals a day, work, and maintain a spic and span house since K is a stickler for neatness…he says he can’t compromise on this….by now me and A (two married woman in the discussion) didn’t know how to react…

That he would be soon preparing a questionnaire of his expectations and give a copy of it to every girl he visits to judge whether she is his wifey material or not ( Pellichupulu in telugu)…..

In sheer helpessness, utter incredulity, extreme choler followed by a state of utmost provocation A and I started laughing….yeah you heard it right….I just didn’t know what to say when I heard all this from him….though what A and I really wanted to do right at that moment is to give him a large piece of our minds, bash him up (I am a diehard advocate of peace, but this was too much for me to take) and tell him that he is vain and no girl would ever want to be associated with someone like him…etc…

And then along with us sat poor M (unmarried girl in the discussion)…..who was totally bewildered and by then shit scared…she kept on saying in the afternoon…..what if I get married to somebody like him? We cajoled her and calmed her down….

We marry for companionship….we marry to wake up everyday with the person whom we deeply love and wish to spend our lives together forever…which stems from love, respect and trust…

We do not marry for great food, cleaner house, beautiful spouse….will this guy ever understand….all he wants is a maid,cook,and >#@#@# (ok, censored)…..WTF…..

Finally with utter desperation when I couldn’t take it no further I blurted out saying, “Dear K, do not marry ever, this way you would do a big big favor on the womenfolk”…..

I may be rude ….so let it be it…I have no regrets in this case whatsoever…..

But that specific question is still ringing in my ears…..WHAT IF? Yes, WHAT IF?

And then I realized how blessed I am….and extremely glad to have found S….and suddenly felt safer for having him and today am gonna get back home and sleep holding him tight…thanking my lucky stars………

Current mood: Cheerful and happy

            Over a girly talk today at work one of my colleagues complimented that she thinks I have good dress sense and likes my clothes very much…..after yesterday’s miserable clothes catastrophe this seemed tailor-made….put me over the moon….yeah, I am wacky that way

Current mood : Cheerless,annoyed and upset….

No no , its got nothing to do with life as such…
Since morning I am eagerly waiting for the day to end…at least the work day to end…..and then get home and cry/sulk in isolation.
I’d been having around 9 sets of unstitched  Salwar suits since a long time…well, I’m quite lazy when it comes to getting them stitched…I do not bother taking them to the tailor till a good number of them have packed up. Then I take them all one fine day and get them done.Thats how it has been since years……since I always had a decent enough
tailor to bank upon….
A couple of weeks ago, it was time to make that trip to the tailor and it was
appropriate timing too since soon I would be joining a new organization in a week. So I was all too excited about having new clothes to wear to the new workplace…a very girly thingie……
But when I finally went to the tailor his shop was shut down…I felt terribly upset since I had been associated with him since the past 10+ years and had no idea of any other tailor…
The neighboring shop guy all concerned told me that the landlord of the shop ran into some legal problems and had to get shut the shop, hence my tailor had to vacate it immediately….
All I could do is to call up the tailor and meet up somewhere another day and get my stuff done…but then I was not motivated enough to do that…hence, I took one of the most doltish decisions…
Went to a new tailor who was quite expensive and had quite a reputation of being good and all that…and like a real moron gave away all my 9 precious,adored, lovingly picked suits to
him…today when I recall my actions I feel like kicking my own butt….
and the outcome is 9 terribly ill-stitched, ill fitting, shapeless dresses…I tried and tried them again and got alterations done…but the end product still sucks big time…If you are a woman  reading this you can so relate to this…
Today I wore one of them, hated it, but in the morning with S around at home it didn’t seem that bad.
As soon as I entered office my colleagues(women, its always them. Do men notice such things?  gotta ask S) remarked on it…one of them also pronounced that I look much much older in this  dress and its more like grandmother’s type…at that moment I wished the ground beneath me
opened and gobbled me up….I wanted to flee and get home and erase that day….well, no hopes…
So all I am doing is staying put at my desk…discomposed..not venturing out much from my space …waiting
for the day to end…It feels as if I am dressed in a rug sack….ok, that doesn’t mean I go to work everyday wearing glamorous filmi type clothes…but I always wear well fitting and smart cotton clothes which make me self-confident….you got the drift…
And am deeply mourning the brutal murders…of my new clothes…and started working emotionally on the possible contingencies. I think I will call up my old tailor and request him to set them straight as much as possible….that means shelling out more moolah…considering
the obnoxious amount I already spent to get them stitched in the first place it makes me cringe….
But Do I have an option???? I have myself to blame for this fiasco…
What to do you all do in such situations? Want to hear out…maybe it will make me feel a bit better…

Weighty Woes

It resurfaces yet again….its been an issue since long and was kept under the wraps rusting for a while….well, the questions of the moment is “My weight”.

I have been battling the bulge for long and after a series of illnesses which sapped me from all my energy, the doc came out with a diagnosis that its the avoirdupoisness which is the main culprit…Pursuing a profession which dictates me to be seated all the time at work just aggravates it ……and its a wide spread side effect for most of them in the IT industry (am a software engineer).

When I look back I dont really remember when exactly the pounds started to pile on…..and let me you tell me they always stack at the wrong places….wait, Is there a right place??? I was always an underweight child and teenager…painfully thin and a constant worry to my parents ( thinness meant sickness for some strange reason). I still remember my mom pestering me to gulp down a tall glass of whole milk banana milkshake every morning (in addition to breakfast) so that I just add some kgs…well, its another story that her try outs didn’t last long…..So thats how my college life went…mom trying to come up with various modus operandi to fatten up me..which intensified exponentially for a few days following a vacation to my home town or a wedding in the family….where the concerned relatives (???) bothered and fussed about my weight and mom always thought something should be done to her dear daughter and then its a cycle again…some new recipes, new trials…and meant a new set of miseries for me…but now How I wish I could turn back time and get back to those days….especially when my mom says ” I never imagined in my wildest dreams that you could put on so much weight?” I just want to chant some mantra (like in movies) and transform into my desirable oldself….

Since then life has taken a 360 degree turn quite literally and at the present state where it is I am technically overweight…not obese.Though I look lighter than what I weigh…… am a good 10-12 kgs heavier than the ideal body weight a woman of my height/age should theoretically be…ok, I dont really have a regard for such theories but I care for my health and hence these surplus pounds have to be shaken away soon…..

And S being the supportive sweetheart he always is perked me up and we both together started to walk in the nearby park and got the show on the road.Its been 2 weeks since we set out on these walks and we thoroughly enjoy them. Having a walk worthy park in the neighbourhood is a luxury in Hyderabad which am sure not many can boast of…what with the mad erections of lifeless structures in every nook and corner of the city one is subjected to these days…the concept of lungspace has come closer to extinction…

We truly understand this and indulge ourselves totally…the fresh oxygen, chirping of birds,ducks floating merrily in the lake, the fresh fresh smell of dewy lush green leaves and glowing trees early in the morning is quite a sight to behold…I guess we are greatly motivated because of these and stay put to the routine as religiously as we can…

Anyways its been so far so good, S and I have also been watching what we eat and are keeping an eye on the carbs and the fats….moderation is the key word….It works better this way for me…since the day I think of a specified diet and rule out eating certain sections of food….I am deepyly hit by a craving for that specific food variety, which I wanted to keep away from…so this avoiding certain varieties of food doesn’t go well with me…since when I consciously evade anything, I miss it immensely and get back to it with an unimaginable vengeance…and what follows is immense guilt and dejection and poor S at the receiving end of this glumness…

And the results…S has really gone down…looks leaner than his leanself..and there is sure change in me too..with clothes getting looser and fitting better…I am generally happy and wish to bid goodbye to flab this time….forever…

* This post is more of a rant but still makes me glad since its been a while I rambled anything… And it reinstates the fact that I indeed love writing….even if its without rhyme and reason..

Bombay Burns

Those horrendous explosions ….bloodshed….why does this have to happen….again and again…..I know millions of such questions are haunting all of us…questions for which there will be no answers ever….the agony, anger,sorrow,hurt,helplessness millions of us have been going through…perhaps these words are too mild to explain the sickness in my stomach…..my heart aches and cries every minute….and I can never even imagine what the families and friends of the victims are going through…
Usually when we state “I can understand how it must be” we try putting ourselves into the shoes of the concerned person…but in such circumstances I bet none of us can even think about it….it sends shivers down my spine…I feel terrible that all I can do is pray…just pray so that their souls rest in peace…
As a child I often questioned my dad ‘Why do we have the armed forces and why we spend so much money on them?’ And he always answered me saying, its because of them we have such safe and comfortable lives…and today they proved it yet again….all of them who fought this ghastly terror….I bow my head in respect and gratitude to all the unsung and real heroes who protect us…who are the true warriors…I salute them all….we owe our everything to them….
My heart is burning….am torn apart and agitated by the attitude of our leaders…its a disgrace to address them as leaders…they are insensitive and bloodless cowards…how else can one explain the ‘Terror tourism’ the chief minister undertook…How can he walk in to survey the damage with his family and friends? Is it a wedding reception or a picnic that he is attending? I bet he had no concern for the people and he just proved it…whats the necessity to bring Ramgopal Varma along….am sure he will make his next movie based on these killings and he will cast the CM’s son in it….This is what the CM ultimately wants….to benefit personally from everything possible ….what if its an gruesome terror attack…he and his family is safe and thats what matters….how sick? Death has no dignity …they make business out of it too.
And I shall never be able to come to terms with the Deputy CM’s statements…..”Bade bade shehron mein aisi chotein baatein hoti rahti hain” , chotein baatein..WTF..hundreds of innocent people lost their lives, goddammit is it a chotein baat….some bloody terrorists walk into our country and carry on mass killings and char people to death in broad daylight….is it a chotein baat…….thousands of people lost their loved ones and their lives will never remain the same forever….the grief that engulfs them….is it a chotein baat….
How about somebody in the CM”s/deputy CM’s family getting killed…am sure it will not be a
chotein baat for them…..How can someone be so inhumane….so downright disgusting….We are ruled by such so called office bearers…..In the aftermath of such devastating violence and excruciating pain when this is their reaction, I dont find anything remotely shocking in such horrific terror attacks…..If we as citizens of India are expecting the Government to take charge and do something about this situation, then let me tell you we are expecting the moon here….

P.S: We still technically have a President, isn’t it? Where is she hibernating? Madam President seems to be high on Alzheimer’s and has completely forgotten that she is an Indian and that too the first citizen of India,and the supreme commander of the armed forces…We all know she is worth no salt…but the
least (oh sorry the most she can do)she could do is make an appearance…well again maybe I am expecting the moon here….